gloves and prayer closets

It's no secret that I'm quite the girly girl. i appreciate the feminine things in life, and having pretty hands is no exception. But once i started my job on the farm, green thumbs, and stained finger nails became the norm. no matter how much bleach i used, i just couldn't get my hands to look clean (let alone pretty). it came down to me having to clip every single nail down short, and accept having rough hands for the summer. But i wouldn't settle. Surely i could find another way. the thin latex gloves i was provided with easily ripped and just weren't strong enough for the job. but then i discovered rubber gloves. Something so simple was the miracle i needed. and i willingly deal with sweaty hands in order to have clean, pretty hand and finger nails.

how much effort do we put towards getting our miracle? the answer to our prayers? sometimes, a simple bedtime prayer isn't going to do the job. sometimes, we need to get into our prayer closets, lock the door, and stay on our knees for a while. sometimes we need to keep the food in the fridge instead of our stomachs. sometimes we need something stronger.
is it worth it to you? how badly do we want our miracle...?

if God knows more about my happiness than i do, then maybe i should let Him be the author of my life. i can get so frustrated, and irritated at the events taking place in my life, (as if i could do a better job writing this story...?) and my life might seem like a tragic comedy rather than the beautiful story God promised me. but one day, He's going to get to the end of the book to display the unfolding of a magnificent story that was once unrecognizable during the writing process.

"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face:
now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known."
- I Cor. 13:12

i'm holding out for God's best for me. even if that means i'm a little lost in the process.
cuz one day, i'm gonna be able to see all the beauty He was planning from the beginning.

listen...

what does the voice of God sound like? when He calls, does he have a special ringtone for us to recognize Him by? we're surrounded by so much chaos that it's hard to hear his voice. and i personally think it would be a lot more convenient if God used his booming voice and wrote in lightning across the wall to speak to us...

but i truly think that God speaks softly sometimes just to see if we're willing to block out the noise and really listen for Him.



but what about when you DO hear the voice of God... and you don't like what He has to say?

this semester i tried ignoring the voicemail God left me, and prayed that it wasn't from him. deep down, i knew it was, and i even prayed that He would call back with a different direction that i wanted to hear! but that little alert light kept flashing, reminding me i had a message from God... i couldn't ignore the call! even bro. sisco said last week that "the call of God will follow you until you follow it." it's so true.

well, i called on God...

and He asked me why i was asking him to repeat himself...then He said,
"if you're not willing to do the small things I ask of you now, then why should I ask you to do even greater things in your future?"

needless to say, i was frustrated. God's direction for my life didn't make sense at the time. and i was happy with the way things were.

but i had to come to grips with the fact that God knows more about my happiness than i do. (shout out, jules!)

so here's a few things i learned this week with the help of my amazing mom, friends, teachers, mentors, and visiting ministers:

- sometimes God asks us to do something to see if we trust Him enough to do it.
- sometimes God takes things away from us like a parent does with their kids.
- sometimes what God takes away He gives back to us when we've matured.
- sometimes God takes away from us because He has something better in mind.

bottom line, God is God, and i am not.

i dream

i dream of a day where loved ones are always present,
books are always in reach, and one's hand never
cramps from hours of writing...i would like to think
that God has taken this into consideration.